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一个毕业后基本不联系的高中同学结婚了<br/><br/>她组建了一个群，把认识的所有人都拉了进去，没发请帖没发介绍，蜜汁沉默后，她默默扔出了她的支付宝转账二维码，说要结婚了，希望大家去<br/><br/>我去你奶奶个腿！<br/><br/>这都不算完，有一位兄弟说 姐姐，没时间啊<br/><br/>她说：没事，打钱就好<br/><br/>既然有这么多人怀疑这是段子，我就再来讲个关于婚礼红包的段子来佐证。<br/><br/>大学室友，三个人简称A、B、C ，<br/><br/>A生活在海南的一个小渔庄，靠船长父亲捕鱼供7个孩子生活上大学，父母思想守旧到根本不相信大陆有独生女的存在，一家人想方设法凑钱给大哥买
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<span class="stats-vote"><i class="number">454</i> 好笑</span>
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<div class="article block untagged mb15 typs_hot" id='qiushi_tag_119809014'>


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落花时节看花落
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二十来岁时，为了证明自己也是有女票的人，于是把一张捡来的美女照片夹在钱包里，有一次，无意中在一个大妈面前展示了那张照片，大妈看完照片，恍然大悟的指着不远处一位肥胖的大嫂对我说：“原来阿霞和他老公离婚是为了你呀？。。。。啧啧啧，有嫩草啃换老娘我也离。。。。”

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<span class="stats-vote"><i class="number">2867</i> 好笑</span>
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<span class="cmt-name">江山未老红颜蛋：</span>
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后来，肥胖大嫂没看上楼主～～～
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我就看看，勿扰
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有一个神经病室友是一种什么体验？<br/><br/>大概就是只要你不吃学校食堂，你吃外卖，她会说，哇，你好有钱啊！你吃小吃街，她也会说，哇，你好有钱啊！你整理一下衣柜，她还会说，哇，你好多衣服啊！<br/>WTF，神经病啊！真的让人很抓狂啊！[生气了]<br/><br/>试问我的心理阴影面积有多大？<br/>可能就是三室两厅两卫吧[再见咯]

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楼主农村的，今年刚开火，这锅炉烧不着。老婆是个急性子，一把推开我，照炉里猛倒柴油。说时迟，那时快，只听的“嘭”一声炉里窜出一股还带着滚滚浓烟的火苗，把她的头发眉毛都燎着啦！脸烤的乌漆嘛黑的，一头秀发成了小卷毛，站在我面前的整个一非洲娘们。我已经懵了，要不是她那声熟悉的，歇斯底里的狮子吼，我还在发愣……

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<span class="stats-vote"><i class="number">441</i> 好笑</span>
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<span class="cmt-name">蓝色雨季→冰吻：</span>
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楼主牛逼了，没事还整刺激，不花钱，还能玩非洲娘们[流鼻血][流鼻血]
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7

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绿巨人捡肥皂
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刚看新闻，巴铁和阿三干起来了，直接扔炸弹。这里我就得说说巴铁了，老铁你怎么能抢了我们的威风，下次记得通知下大哥，大哥可以借你东风系列耍耍的

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<span class="stats-vote"><i class="number">351</i> 好笑</span>
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你不懂蛋蛋的忧伤
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买贵的东西，就把价格除以365天，一天才几块钱，再嫌贵了就除以两年。。

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<span class="stats-vote"><i class="number">5060</i> 好笑</span>
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<span class="cmt-name">MC你大爷.：</span>
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我喜波音747，帮我除于2年算一下。
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唔知叫咩名～
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有老公的今晚赶紧下手，不要耽误你们发财的机会

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<span class="number hidden">-53</span>
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<span class="cmt-name">巴克队长和呱唧：</span>
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是啊。潘金莲也是通过毒死老公，走上了人生巅峰，直到现在依然被你们传颂？
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<img src="//pic.qiushibaike.com/system/avtnew/3112/31125461/thumb/20160205095855.jpg?imageView2/1/w/90/h/90" alt=".妩-741">
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.妩-741
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糗不糗，有一个动不动就赌气不理我的老公，还得我去巴结他哄他，有时候要不是为了孩子，我真想拿刀剁了他！没见过这么小心眼的男人，还他妈是男人吗？没地方发泄，感谢糗百！

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<span class="stats-vote"><i class="number">254</i> 好笑</span>
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宿舍的床
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上了一天的班，回家冰锅冷灶，老公躺在沙发上玩，忍不住的抱怨几句。<br/>刷完碗，也不见他哄一下，还在玩手机，我一气之下夺过手机，就想扔地上，老公张口结舌的说：“别，买，买，买！”<br/>我仔细一瞧手机，噗，傻瓜，把我放购物车的东西都付款了。

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<span class="cmt-name">追～梦～者：</span>
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回复 1楼：打广告可耻
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青木哥
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前两天在南京明孝陵玩，出来在地铁口等车的时候，有两位外国友人迎面走来，指着手里的地图问我，当时我就寻思着，我奋发图强苦学十几年的英语终于有了用武之地了！……………………我他妈一句都没听懂！！！

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<img src="//pic.qiushibaike.com/system/avtnew/1167/11678685/thumb/201711272142479.JPEG?imageView2/1/w/90/h/90" alt="狐地瓜">
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电梯门开，外面站了两个妹子，两人紧紧相抱，吻在一起…看到这惊艳的画面，我不自觉的吞了吞口水。。。俩妹子挥手告别，其中一个妹子走进电梯，电梯里只有我跟那个妹子，妹子头也没回的问我：单身狗被虐了？看你那猪哥相！！我一阵语塞，电梯到了1层，我抢先一步迈到妹子身旁说：我是忘记掏手机拍照而已！！说完头也不回的走了…

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<span class="cmt-name">晓颜诺诺：</span>
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你吞口水干嘛？妹子手上有好吃的？
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26

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<img src="//pic.qiushibaike.com/system/avtnew/2470/24703920/thumb/20171201104919.JPEG?imageView2/1/w/90/h/90" alt="喵(^_-)※">
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喵(^_-)※
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储藏室里面有只老鼠，小侄喊我一起去抓老鼠！我最怕老鼠，但又怕被小侄笑话，只好勉强答应了！<br/>打开储藏室门，小侄说：姑姑你是大人，你先进！我拿着棍子丝丝发抖的进了储藏室，突然老鼠嗖的从我面前窜过，我吓得尖叫起来！<br/>接着“咣”！储藏室门被小侄从外面锁上，小侄：姑姑你别怕，我藏好巧克力就放你出来！<br/>妈呀，，，救命啊！

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<span class="stats-vote"><i class="number">2834</i> 好笑</span>
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<span class="cmt-name">神魂N不颠倒：</span>
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白瞎了你的名字[大笑]
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到乡下调研，我肚子不舒服，突然想方便。村民指了指前面的茅草棚说：到那里就是。我急忙朝茅草棚奔去，刚推开草帘，见一大嫂在如厕，我赶紧退了出来。这时棚子里大嫂叫了起来：兄弟，我望旁边移一下，我们两个人蹲的下来的...

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<span class="stats-vote"><i class="number">423</i> 好笑</span>
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真事，不糗。<br/>我们这里有个哥们（28岁）特喜欢帮熟人朋友牵红线，介绍对象，而且还成了好几对。<br/>热心吧？ 好心肠吧？暖心吧？诸位看官别忙，就上个月那哥们晚上被人口袋一蒙给揍了一顿后丢垃圾场了，送到医院后一检查腿被打断了一条，头上也缝了二十几针。<br/>嘿嘿，别说他可怜，不被揍死算他命大，尼玛的为了拉关系全部介绍那些熟人朋友去挖人老婆墙角，害得几家人妻离子散的。<br/>诸位看官你们说活该不？

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最近QQ空间访客多了好多陌生人！<br/><br/>以往都是女的啊！！！<br/><br/>现在怎么都变了！变了！！！<br/><br/>都是男的！！！<br/><br/>吓我一跳！！！<br/><br/>忍不住的好奇心<br/><br/>点开一看<br/><br/>前女友的现任<br/><br/>你这是怕我随意开车吗

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销售汪一枚……背景……我是工业润滑油销售，最怕给同学介绍我的职业，原因就是在金属加工行业内说润滑油大家会下意识的想到液压油、切削液、防锈油等等，而我的同学和老家的人大都不懂金属加工这一块，每次我说我是卖润滑油的，他们都是一阵唏嘘，并且让我注意身体，我去……

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(糗名昭著)~魅儿…
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隔壁李婶和老妈聊天：你们两口子脾气那么火爆，你闺女脾气咋这么好呢？看来性格也不一定会遗传哈。<br/><br/>老妈沉默一会说：她小的时候脾气也差，后来一躺几天就学乖了……

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<span class="cmt-name">嘻哈汉子：</span>
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开始是男子单打，后来是女子单打，最后是男女混合打，你说不乖行不？
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边城大魔王
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输入法害死人系列

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<img src="//pic.qiushibaike.com/system/avtnew/3210/32105132/thumb/20160704085333.jpg?imageView2/1/w/90/h/90" alt="手猎海上">
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手猎海上
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如果潘金莲活在现在，我敢肯定她不但不会被人唾骂，而且还会是特别火的明星/网红。<br/>微博上会有几千万的粉丝，直播间爆棚，新闻头条常客，而武大郎会被黑的体无完肤，武松会被喷的找不到北，类似于“矮穷矬还想追女神？”、“想靠骂嫂子而出名的武松最终做了土匪”、“金莲女生和门庆官人牵手现身机场羡煞旁人”……之类的文章会层出不穷<br/>当虚假接着金钱的外衣冠冕堂皇的出现在我们眼前，那些没有包装的道德和节操何去何从，笑贫不笑娼的年代似乎有死灰复燃的迹象，呜呼哀哉，要亡我大清了……

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<span class="cmt-name">无聊蹲厕数蛆玩：</span>
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什么？朕的大清亡了？
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在花盆埋了颗葱，发芽了，兴高采烈的告诉老公小哥。老公小哥说，赐它个名字吧，就叫“王思”。

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早餐店看到一个老大爷在“艰难”的剥着鸡蛋...面前还放着三个没剥的...心想这得剥到中午的节奏，于是找老板要了双一次性手套，熟练的帮大爷剥好了鸡蛋...大爷感激的看了我一眼...我微笑着转身回到自己的座位...一会儿背后传来他女儿的声音：哎呀！爸！您这恢复的可以呀！这么快就剥好了！看来医生给的这办法可行..昨天早上还剥了半个小时.....

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<span class="cmt-name">沉默的理发师：</span>
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回复 1楼：后来他女儿说，明早多加俩蛋....
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郑王。
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我们双号车不服！！

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<span class="cmt-name">陈XX好赖皮：</span>
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不关双号车的事，也不关单号车的事，雾霾是我们农民烧出来的
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我是做工业设计的，有两个同事一个姓龚，一个姓顾。平时我们都喊他们龚工和顾工。十一部门组织去北京游玩，晚上入住酒店时，由于旅行社的失误导致客房少了几套。于是疲惫的我们气不打一处来，集体攻击导游，最后连酒店前台的接待女孩也成了攻击对象。女孩面红耳赤，像火山将要爆发一样，这时一领导说：如果再找不到房间，今天龚工必须住在顾工哪里（今天公公必须住在故宫哪）。女孩听到后彻底爆发了：什么？你们想住哪里就住哪里，告诉你们，大清已经亡了！

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告诉我选什么，在线等！

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